How to take care of yourself as a mum

Mums’ self-care ideas. Fitness after having a baby. And types of help available for families in Dorset.

If you are part of our Facebook community group, you will have noticed we have a LIVE video every Thursday at lunchtime to talk about all things parenting. The idea is to support each other during COVID-19 and beat the isolation blues. Please join our group today if you haven’t already. And drop me a message here, if there’s anything in particular that you’d like me to talk about.

This week’s LIVE video was all about self-care. This is a topic close to my heart since – to be 100% honest – I’ve been absolutely rubbish at self-care throughout my parenting journey. In fact, I’ve probably been rubbish at it most of my life. You see, I’m a naturally anxious and active person. I don’t do things easy. I don’t do half measures. I struggle to sit and relax. As a young adult, I never saw the importance of being able to relax. I used to see it as being ‘lazy’ or a ‘waste of time’.

This kind of always moving, always doing personality served me well in many aspects of my life. It made it possible for me to travel around the country on my pre-kids job, go back home briefly to host Christmas dinner for the entire family before setting off back on the road to my next meeting. I used to love the feeling of exhaustion because it forced me to rest.

But then I became a mum and I learned what real exhaustion feels like. No matter how many antenatal classes you attend beforehand or how much well-intended advice you get from other mums, it’s hard to grasp how tired you’ll be once your little bundle of joy is born. My firstborn had issues breastfeeding so I slept very little in the first 3 months of his life. Like many new mums, I used to express milk every 3 hours, and feed the baby in between, leaving very little time to sleep. Alongside this never-ending expressing-feeding cycle, I also had a home to clean, a big dog to walk and thousands of new mum questions to find an answer to online. It was a new level of exhaustion.

So it’s fair to say I’ve hit rock bottom a few times. Looking back, there have been times when I could’ve made my life easier if I had prioritised my own rest. If I had made a point to allow myself the time to learn to disconnect. If I had reached out to allow someone else to ease the load a little. But I didn’t want to ask for help and I didn’t know what kind of help was even available.

So on this week’s video, I mention a few ideas that have made a big difference to my wellbeing. These are also included in this blog to make it easier for you to access this information whenever you need it. I talked from the point of views of mums because the views in both the video and this blog are the product of my own experience. However, I recognise dads also have very specific needs and I’d love it if any of the dads at Poole Mumbler community group could write a guest blog for us sharing their own experience. You can message me here if you are interested.

So here are my top self-care tips and how to access help and support in Poole, Dorset.

Fitness

After having babies, I was desperate to feel like myself and lose the mummy tummy, so I rushed back into fitness far too soon. I started running before my body – and particularly my pelvic floor and my core – were ready. And I didn’t take recovery time and muscle flexibility seriously enough. As a result, I ended up with many injuries which, 5 years after my last baby, I’m still dealing with.

If you are a new mum and you’d like to go back into or join some kind of fitness programme, please remember this: your body needs time to heal after childbirth, far beyond any external scars you can see. Fitting back in your pre-baby jeans WILL happen. Promise. BUT you are much better off doing it gradually and being kind to yourself. Focus on strength and flexibility before worrying about your weight, your tummy or any idea of beauty you think you should aspire to.

You can find a full a list of experts in Poole who specialise in postnatal fitness at Poole Mumbler. Fitness for mums’ classes here. And local class providers offering virtual classes during the lockdown here.

And even better, two of my faves have very generously given Poole Mumbler readers an exclusive discount.

• Kate Cadbury Pilates: 10% off a one to one physio-led pilates session whereby we assess tummy muscle separation etc or 10% off when signing up to an online pilates programme. Contact Kate here and quote ‘Poole Mumbler’.
• Mumology Movement with Sarah: 50% off the first-month subscription with the code MUMBLER50.

MASSIVE THANKS TO KATE AND SARAH FOR THESE GENEROUS OFFERS.

Help at home

I’m a firm believer that motherhood is about much more than domestic chores. In fact, in my eyes, spending quality time with our kids and being present when they need us will have a much more positive effect on their self-esteem and mental health than making sure all their meals are cooked from scratch using only the finest organic ingredients.

So if you are struggling, trying to fit in work, house chores and everything else that modern life demands of us, there’s no shame in outsourcing the things you enjoy the least. Whether it is tidying up the cupboards that have been annoying you for months or doing the laundry one week so you can put your feet up and be a happy rested mama. Self-care is NOT selfish.

There are many businesses that offer domestic help in Poole and the rest of Dorset. I recently published a sponsored blog by Extra Help Poole. I was excited to work with them because they offer great flexibility to local families. Rather than a set service, they are happy to accommodate your specific needs. You can read more about them here.

Other ideas

But you don’t always need to spend money to look after yourself. Here are a few of my favourite self-care routines:

• A long walk on my own with a good audiobook or podcast. I love how much of a difference a good inspirational podcast can make to my mood. And it’s also the best way to learn new knowledge fast.
• Essential oils. I love using essential oils to lift my mood when I need it. You can find enough information online about essential oils to keep you busy for the rest of your days. I can totally see myself getting obsessed with the endless options of homemade cleaning products, remedies and beauty products you can put together by mixing tiny bottles. My favourites oils at the moment are peppermint for mental clarity and a stuffy nose. Lavender for when you are feeling anxious. And Lemongrass, for no other reason than because it smells gorgeous.
• A good music playlist. Have you ever used ready-made playlists on Spotify? They are a great way to discover new songs. Here are two of my favourite playlists. Family Road Trip. Running pop.
• Cleaning. What?! Don’t worry I’m not drunk – yet. I always clean my house on a Monday morning before I get on with my week. I work from home and I find it therapeutic to get my surroundings in order before I can start work. It works for me but everyone is different.
• Reading a good book. I’m usually reading work-related stuff or parenting books so it gives me a big sense of wellbeing when I read a book just for fun. Although England is in a lockdown at the time of writing this blog, you can still buy used books for very little money on Facebook’s Market place or use the local libraries click-and-collect service. Read more about it here.
• A walk with a friend. One of the few joys still available to us during the lockdown is to exercise with a friend and I’ve definitely noticed the huge benefit in doing so. It’s so energising. I might continue this little tradition even after the lockdown is lifted.
• Swimming in the sea in winter. Again, I haven’t lost the plot but this seems to be the new thing to do. Not something I’ll rush to try out myself but apparently, it has many health benefits. There’s lots of information online or you can read about it here.

I hope you find this blog useful. Please show us your support, liking Poole Mumbler on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

While you are here…

Did you know you can find Laceys Solicitors at Poole Mumbler? Laceys can help you with many aspects of family life. You can find them here.